I took a test and failed although I was fairly prepared. I did not get upset, I knew that something had not gone the way I wanted it for a reason.
I came home and thought about it for a while. Why did I fail? I had done my homework, I had studied hard, I had the answers, but when it came down to pick the right ones, I hesitated and chose the wrong one. Why?
It came to me clear as a bell, something in me required failure instead of success.
Strange as it might sound, fear of success is more common than what we think. It comes to us at a very young age, when we sense that our success is causing someone else anguish or envy. I interpreted my young, intellectual successes as a problem and I did not like to be envied.
To avoid 'causing pain to others', I switched off and my successes became less and less.
When we are young we react to our environment in two ways: we either don't care and get on with it, or if we are really sensitive we stop doing what you are doing for fear of hurting others.
To please others at our expenses is not the ideal way to get things done. It might have been the only way I had when I was little, but not any more now.
Once I identified where I had created that, I ask for that statement to be deleted and put in another program that said: 'I intend to look after myself first, others can feel what they want and I don't have to be affected by what they feel. For as long as I act in integrity and self love, I don't hurt anyone. I only hurt people if I go out of my way to do so intentionally"
I also added that by being my utter best from now on instead of bringing me envy, it will bring me support and love.
Not too long after the first test, I took it again, and this time I passed with flying colors. I did not ponder over the questions, I trusted my first reaction and got through totally effortlessly.
The night before I also gathered my attention and visualized the wanted outcome. Something that I did not feel inclined to do the first time around because I had a 'you must fail' program and so I had no desire to set myself up for success.
I walked out of the test room with a big smile on my face, feeling very happy, not just because I had passed the test, but because I had overcome a long standing fear that had been crippling me for a very long time. Passing the test was just the by-product.
