Revisiting Old Wounds

Is there an end to healing? I do ask myself this question very often. 

I go through spells of dry times, when things tick along nicely and everything is fine, then suddenly out of nowhere old thoughts come up, anger, resentment and fear; good, old fear. 

You know those times that it feels like your mind has become and old, broken record, and you start thinking about what happened, and what you should have said and this and that...

I wanted to take some White Chestnut, but I thought, 'I think this state of mind needs attention in a different way.' Of course I resisted like hell, and it took me a whole week to finally find the time to want to do it. 

It happened over the weekend. I set up the space for the healing, and connected. I gave up resistance, I said I was willing to change, to grow and to know what was really bothering me. The healing always starts in the same way; you look at the emotions that are bothering you in the now, at the people that trigger those emotions with their actions, and you ask "what is this related to?"

The answers always come. It was over a good hour and half that I was able to track back some old wounds that had new memories attached. 

Of course it was painful, of course it was unpleasant and of course it was about my parents, specially my mother. I felt old anger again, but it did not last long. What was more important was the decisions I had made about my life as a result of the set ups that my mother had laid out for me.

It was those decisions and consequent choices that had created the blockages in the present about certain aspects of my life that did not want to budge. 

I have come a long way, considering where I started over 15 years ago, and my life is totally different from what it was and I certainly am a very different person. But these two particular issues had not been keen to go.

So very patiently and painstakingly, with clear intention and determination I let the images come back up and I allowed myself to remember. It was so incredibly clear and painful at the same time.  I let go all the emotions felt and then one by one the beliefs and agreements, as they came that I had made with my mother for my own safety. Those agreements were the blockages to specific things in my life that were at arm reach and still I could not grab. 

The healing and to discoveries that came wit it, were so liberating! It took me a couple of days to let the discoveries settle. 

Of course once the old programs were gone I had to put some new ones in.  When I finished, the

feelings of discomfort, anger, resentment were gone together with the anger and resentment I felt again for my mother during the healing. The broken record in my head also had quitened down and I felt pretty connected again. 

Now that those agreements are gone, I am faced with this aspect of my life as a brand, new adventure. I have been holding myself back for so long, because of the hidden fears of what might happen to me if I followed my call, that suddenly to be free to do whatever my heart tells me to do, feels exciting but also  if feels like "oh my, where shall I start?". 

One thing is good to remind myself of is that when there are no negative associations with our plans, all we have to do when we don't know what to do is to ask: 'What is the next step, how do I do this, where do I go to get this?' And so on. And then we are impulsed to take a certain action, to go to a certain place, ideas come as we follow the threads. Then we ask the next question and so on.

When we are free of negative attachments (of any kind)   this is how life becomes effortless. The work has to be put in of course, but it's a completely different ball game.

So now that the coast is clear, let's see where this adventure is going to take me... 

Exciting!!! 

 

When S..t Happens

We all feel anxious from time to time, but I know that anxiety is felt only when we are disconnected. 

Sometimes between Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, I fell off the waggon again. What can you do? Sit tight, (literally) and do nothing until the inspiration comes.  Or do exactly the opposite, and be physical. I did both. I first sat for a while breathing deeply, and then got busy with chores. The energy shifts and insights come.
There is no wrong or right way to go about. I truly believe that when we are hit by anxiety or fear, it's good to feel it and allow it to stretch out until there is no fear left. A bit like watching the grass grow. How high can it grow? Why not let it grow a bit before we cut it?

Everything in the outer world is a mirroring to the inner. So how did this happen? 

No matter how well we feel, we mustn't forget that when things go awry, it is because we still have unresolved 'stuff' and by-default programs and agreements that make life manifest what we don't like.

Better remember that! Because when we don't feel so good, it's easy to allow all the not so good stuff to affect us more than it is necessary. 

I let the cool mood linger for a while, and then I knew that there was some work to do; energetic work! And got down to it. In no time I figured out what was bothering me, and changed the emotional charge. It is always the negative emotions that have a resonance that creates havoc, specially fear.

I released the fear that was still hanging in there and replaced it with a sense of peace and calmness, after having understood why I had felt the irrational fear.

This automatically shifted the anxiety in the present. Then I had to change the reasons for creating the havoc of the past. That was a bit tricky. But once I got the thread, it was easy enough. Along the way there were also some restless entities that needed attention and help. Those are also the reasons as to why sometimes we feel not so good, because that's their way to get your attention.

The anxiety now has turned into a sense of anticipation. By changing the time line of struggle, now I ought to experience ease and manifest just what I asked for pretty effortlessly.

I know that that's how it happens because I did some energy work with my sister and she saw the results instantly. Coincidence? Don't know about that, as every time that I have done energy work with a difficult situation, I have always experienced 100% positive results. 

Let's be clear about one thing: I work with light and truth, and always with the permission of the higher selves of everyone involved. We all know the truth, and when we don't want to hear the truth,  that's when s..t happens. And of course it is our responsibility to ALWAYS resolve our side of the story. Whatever other people do or create that's for them to sort out.

A Good Haircut

After many years of cutting my own hair, and a couple of attempts with different hairdressers, I decided it was time to go to a stylist. They are a bit pricier but they are worth every penny. I did my research to find a good salon and took the plunge. 

On a very cold January afternoon I turned up half frozen at this very unusual place in the heart of town. A team of stylist busy with their clients was scattered around in various rooms, unlike the usual hairdresser salons. It was an experience every bit of the way. The Spanish stylist that looked after me, chatted with me very knowledgeably about the style I had in mind and how he would work it on me. A very young chap then took me downstairs for the shampoo, and I asked him if he had had to learn head massage too to wash hair. He chuckled telling me that they are trained, Japanese style to wash hair like if you are in a spa. Fine with me!

Back upstairs in the capable hands of Fran, who started to chop away happily; parting my hair, smoothing, lifting, checking, all the while engrossing himself in conversation with me on different topics. As I watched him working away, I started to see my hair taking the shape that I had longed for, and visualised in my head for weeks. A smile soon turned into a grin from ear to ear. I could barely contain my excitement. It felt so good to know that I was in the hands of a very confident stylist.

He understood totally what I wanted, 'he heard me' and then took over with his expertise.

It's a bit like when I have a healing session with someone, they tell me what the problem is and then I get down to work, using my healing tools very skilfully until we crack it.

Chopping away, it took a good forty minutes of undivided attention and finally the masterpiece emerged. I was so happy!!! He was pleased. His colleague came up to us and paid us both compliments. Fran felt obliged to say that he had done a good job also because I had good hair. I took the compliment and was thrilled to bits with the results. I walked to the receptionist who smiling, complimented me on how good it looked and I paid without batting an eyelid the hefty bill. I even bought a bottle of hair stuff, at a ridiculous price!

Having a good haircut always makes anyone feel very good. But it took me a couple of days to realise what had got me so excited. It was the fact that I had done my homework, I had visualised for weeks what I wanted, and then when the time was right I followed my instincts and the results were magnificent. The haircut in the end became just the means through which I experienced a state of connectedness. And this is what we experience when we want to do something; first we connect and then we wait for the right time to take action.

I am still smiling. This piece of information is going to be invaluable for many other things waiting in the pipeline.

Have a wonderful connected day!

When the Snow Falls

The snow has fallen quietly and persistently for two days. The world has become very silent and everything around has taken on a magic hue. The roads might have become a messy mush, but the trees are so beautiful!

I never really used to like winter, but lately I have learned to enjoy every season. The only thing that I don't enjoy is the lack of sunshine.

Walking in the snow is very therapeutic, it's like a walking meditation and I get a lot of insights. I switch off my inner chatter, (I have had to train myself to do this) and I walk allowing thoughts to come and go. 

First I get the bothering thoughts, you know, the ones that keep your head busy, then they leave, and better quality thoughts come in, while the mind gently slips into the beauty around and into the contagious pleasure that the dogs are feeling whilst running around in bliss.

'That's it, I thought, 'that's it, that's what being in the moment is. Feeling the pleasure running through you, just because you are alive.'

And then in that connection the bigger picture about your life and others' becomes crystal clear. We are always acting and behaving in ways that keeps us safe, even when it looks as if we sabotage our life with our actions. Something within makes you do just what is required to be safe. 

I really believe that every soul has come this time around, the 26,000 years period that ended in December to participate in the beginning of the next cycle. And I totally believe that every soul has made agreements with one's self that only when enough wisdom has been acquired, then the veils will come down. But for as long as that has not happened, life will be confusing and messy.

I totally got it, and relaxed into my new found wisdom, thinking about the few past experiences that turned out to be extremely unpleasant and suddenly seeing my own wisdom at how I co-created every experience in my life. Every single experiences old and recent have been co-created for a much deeper reasons than just the need to boycott myself. I saw all the reasons and I could do nothing but smile at how magnificent spirit is. 

I made a very clear intention: "I intend to live my life in clarity and integrity at all times and I release the need to play games with myself."

I wonder how long the snow is going to stay.

Enligtening, Idle Chatter

We had a long chat on the phone. I speak to this friend once a month or so, so there is a lot to catch up on.

She is not feeling too motivated at the moment. She is happy, but with regards to her career she feels flat and resigned to the fact that all her hard work and passion that she has put into her vocation, will not bear any fruits.

I talked first, filled her in with my latest news and then listened. She was feeling very demotivated about her career, but resigned. A lot of sweat and tears have gone into her passion for many, many years.

She said very clearly that she found anyone trying to persuade her to keep going, very irritating and that made her very angry. She was getting angry as she spoke. 

I chuckled and said that maybe it was better for me to go then. She chuckled with me. She was not talking about me. 

I listened some more and then suddenly I spoke words that resonated with her truth. I had had time to tune in and so gently but clearly said to her:

"You have put a lot of effort into this, the energy has accumulated some place and it's bound to come back to you, but if you are closed down to receive it, you won't be able to have it."

"Maybe you have associated asking with being kicked one too many times, and so it keeps re-occuring. To shut down has become your only defense. All your hard work is there waiting for you to reap the rewards. If you spend a bit of time in reflection you might be able to find out what is blocking you from getting what is rightly yours."

She was very quiet. I continued "It's an energy shift within. Once you do that, the outside world will align with the inside. It's not the other way round." "Also, you know that it's a soul choice to experience what we do. Find out why you made your choice and change it."

It did not feel that I was preaching and she listened.

When we speak from a place of connection with the other person, we are connected to their truth and they 'hear it' because it resonates. Had I spoken from my ego, and from a need to preach she would have probably hang up on me.

After almost an hour we said good bye and it felt like we had connected on a deep level. It was a nice feeling!

The Importance of Being Honest

Am I being honest when I do something that I really don't want to do? Am I being honest when I accept invitations that I don't want? Am I being honest when I don't like something and I still put on a brave face and act polite and well mannered?

I have had to ask myself these questions a few times in my life. When are we being honest and why should we be honest without being rude?

I have discovered that every time that I am not honest about what I truly want to do I always get myself into trouble. It's inevitable. 

We should be polite always and we don't have to be rude to express our opinion, likes and dislikes. We should also be clear about when we want to do something and when we are just doing it to please others.

I got invited to an event. I did not want to go. I did not particularly feel comfortable with that person who invited me and did not know how to say no. So I said yes, and went, putting on a brave face, a smile, acting polite and friendly for as long as I could. It did not work. Something in me gave away the truth. I was bored, I was restless, I was irritated, which obviously got on the person's nerves and it ended up in a big argument and I don't think I will be invited again too soon.

The thing is that we cannot lie to ourselves any more and we really have to do our best to be honest, even if it means ruffling a few feathers. I did not know how to say no for fear of hurting poeple's feelings, and in the end I hurt them anyway. Cutting comments that I would not normally pass did not go down well and Karma came back to bite me on the butt instantly.

I could have avoided the whole stress of going, spending more than necessary, by simply declining the invitation. By being honest maybe we upset people, but in the long run it can only benefit everyone, because when we are honest we can trust that we will be treated honestly too.

I have been watching my behavior very closely lately, and I have really noticed that when I go out of my way to please someone, because I am afraid of saying no, the results are always disastrous and much trauma is created for all parties as a result.

But when I am being honest about my life, myself and my wants, people tend to respect me more.

It's a vibrational thing. When we state our truth, the resonance is different than when we are not. Equally we know when someone is making excuses or is lying, because we can sense it.

When we speak our truth the vibration resonates with the energy in the universe and everyone experience it as a sense of inner connection. When we lie, there is a discordance between our energy and the universal energy that makes everybody feel on edge and uncomfortable.

The era of truth is here and we cannot hide behind lies any more. No one can. So I have started practicing and it's working a treat.

Have a wonderful and truthful day!

Clear Statements, Walking the Dog, Eating Well

Without much effort, gently but surely since the summer I have dropped almost a stone. I have not really put much effort into it and have not obsessed over it either.

When I reached the highest weight I have ever been; one stone and a bit more, heavier than my ideal weight, I stayed there for a while and then after summer was over I said "This is it, I now intend to be 10Kgs lighter." And left it at that.
My eating habits changed without much effort, and decided to stick to a 'native' diet; fruits and nuts for a while, with the occasional rice and veg and fish or some meat, always with coconut oil. To my delight the weight started to drop. Sometimes I would have a slice of sourdough bread with raw cheese in the morning.
Two months later the dog came to stay with me and changed my routine drastically. Two hours a day of gentle walking, I have not done that in a long time. A few more pounds went easily.
Then Xmas came and I indulged a little. I was not bothered too much, but some bloating and feeling very lethargic made me rethink about indulging for too long.

I started doing acupuncture for some niggling knee pains, it has taken a while to kick in and now it seems to be making a difference. Then three days of recovering from eating something that caused me to be really ill gave it the last blow. I went on the scale two days ago and I was not sure it was correct. I had dropped another four pounds and my weight is almost where I was more than ten years ago. I was so surprised I tried a few times to make sure that the scale was working.

So I think it was not just one thing but a combination of all of these factors that is helping me to find my natural rythm and makes me want to follow my instincts.

I set an intention and as there were no obstacles in the way, the body followed the orders and made me want to do all the things that would allow that order to be fulfilled quite effortlessly.
I am thrilled!

So now it's time to make other clear intentions to achieve all the other things that have been waiting in the pipeline.

Have a wonderful clear 'Intention Day', today.