Dates With The Past

Ever had a bad experience that left a bitter taste in your mouth?

For some people that is not a problem; they are the lucky ones, they acknowledge the bad experience, shrug their shoulders and move on. Not many, I must say.
For the vast majority of us, the experience is eventually forgotten but never integrated. As usual it is the feelings that we had at the time that linger on and that with the knowledge we have today can be released so that the experience when remembered becomes totally neutral.

How do you know when you have a date with the past? When for no reasons at all you start feeling very edgy and things start to go wrong.

I was perfectly fine yesterday and then in the afternoon I start to experience feelings of hopelessness and despair which came out of nowhere. Then this morning, upon awakening, I remembered that this month I have a very important date with the past. In November of quite a few years ago I got married!

For some people getting married is a wonderful experience, but it was not for me.
We went our separate ways some six years later. Those years, however were certainly not happy. I spent most of that time feeling terrible for having done something that I really did not want to do. My emotions were ranging mostly from depression, despair, hopelessness and helplessness. Not a very nice place to be in.

And this year I have finally realised that every year, when this time of the year approaches, I start to feel pretty edgy and unhappy for no reasons.  I woke up feeling awful and remembered that a long time ago, I was feeling just the same. So I took some time out and went into my emotions. They were not pleasant at all.

I was in my twenties, confused and lost, every choice I made seemed to be always the wrong one. Karmically I believe that there are not mistakes, but only choices dictated by the soul that has agreed to pay back its due. I did not think this at the time though. At the time it was either choosing between two evils, and I chose one.

Although many years have gone by, the emotions never got resolved. Unresolved emotions have a charge that get triggered on cue, just like these ones got triggered as the date approached.

When emotions are not resolved they are stored away in the subconscious, and only when we finally take the time to address them and release them, they will not bother us any more.

I did the usual. I sat down, I connected with the pain in the present, which is not pleasant at all, and the body took me straight back to that time, when I was feeling the same emotions. I felt very hard done by then, felt trapped and without choices; I was feeling like the victim that I was then.

Without going into too many details, a healing is always very powerful when there is willingness to let go of blame and anger towards others. Yes, I did feel helpless and hopeless but only because at the time I was always unable to say no, for fear of upsetting other people's feelings.

Today I understand that it is our duty to set boundaries and to say no when we mean no. If the other person becomes upset, but we have acted out of integrity, then we have nothing to feel bad about.

It became clear during the healing that I was really angry with myself for precisely those reasons, my inability to say what I really meant. By not being able to be my highest truth I created a really terrible life for myself.

So I cleared the emotional residues and replaced with new programs of self respect and self support.

I felt a world better after I finished; light hearted and free.

The past can hold a person a prisoner, but what the prison really is about is the emotions that were created then, that still resonate in the emotional field of the person.

Once those are clear, you can look forward to your life as the year goes by and those dates reappear you will find with delight that they have no charge any more and you ca finally go about your business of being happy and fulfilled unhampered and free.

www.lucianellahealing.com